Medical Riddles:

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What is the best thing to take when you're run over?
Answer: The license plate of the vehicle that hit you.
What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
Answer: One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
What is a drill sergeant?
Answer: An army dentist.
What is a sick crocodile?
Answer: An ail-ligator (alligator).
What has fifty legs but can't walk?
Answer: Half a centipede.
What is the best way to lose weight?
Answer: Learn to play the piano, and you can pound away all you want.
What is better than presence of mind in an automobile accident?
Answer: Absence of body.
What is the difference between a hill and a pill?
Answer: A hill is hard to get up, a pill is hard to get down.
What is the best way to cure acid indigestion?
Answer: Stop drinking acid.
What happens when a pony gets sunburned?
Answer: You get a little horseradish (reddish).
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Answer: Bronchitis (bronc-itis).
What nuts give you a cold?
Answer: Cachoo (cashew) nuts.
What would happen if you swallowed uranium?
Answer: You would get atomic ache (a stomach ache).
When a girl slips on the ice, why can't her brother help her up?
Answer: He can't be a brother and assist her (a sister).
When don't you feel so hot?
Answer: When you catch a cold.
What would you call a small wound?
Answer: A short cut.
When do you have acute pain?
Answer: When you own a very pretty window.
When is the best time to buy a thermometer?
Answer: In the winter, because then it is lower.
What is the healthiest kind of water?
Answer: Well water.
When is the vet busiest?
Answer: When it rains cats and dogs.
What is the perfect cure for dandruff?
Answer: Baldness.
What means of transportation gives people colds?
Answer: A choo-choo train.
What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
Answer: A turtle with claustrophobia.
What kind of television program tells you who just broke an arm or leg?
Answer: A newscast.
What is worse than a centipede with sore feet?
Answer: A giraffe with a sore throat.
What is worse than a turtle with claustrophobia?
Answer: An elephant with hay fever.
Which animals eye gets hit the most?
Answer: A bulls eye (bulls-eye).
What kind of animal needs oiling?
Answer: A mouse. It squeaks.
How did the bread feel when it was put in the toaster?
Answer: It was burned up.
Why is a pony like a person with a sore throat?
Answer: Because they are both a little hoarse (horse).
Why is a fishing hook like the measles?
Answer: Because it's catching.
Why is an eye doctor like a teacher?
Answer: They both test the pupils.
Why is a horse with a sore throat twice as sick as any other animal?
Answer: Because he is then a hoarse horse.
Why is Congress like a cold?
Answer: Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).
Why was the chicken sick?
Answer: It had people pox.
How did the skeleton know it was raining?
Answer: He could feel it in his bones.
Why shouldn't you make jokes about an overweight person?
Answer: Because it's not nice to poke fun at someone else's expanse (expense).
True or false, you never catch cold going up in an elevator?
Answer: True. You come down with a cold, never up.
How was the blind carpenter able to see?
Answer: He picked up his hammer and saw.
Why does a dentist seem moody?
Answer: Because he always looks down in the mouth.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what will an onion do?
Answer: Keep everyone away.
What did the doctor say to the tonsil?
Answer: You look so cute, I think I'll take you out.
If you don't feel well, what do you probably have?
Answer: A pair of gloves on your hands.
If you fell off a ladder, what would you fall against?
Answer: Against your will.
How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Answer: Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
What did Frankenstein say when a bolt of lightning hit him?
Answer: Thanks, I needed that.
If you dropped a tomato on your toe, would it hurt much?
Answer: Yes, if it was in a can.
How can you keep from getting a sharp pain in your eye when you drink chocolate milk?
Answer: Take the spoon out of the glass.
What do you have if your head is hot, your feet are cold, and you see spots in front of your eyes?
Answer: You probably have a polka-dotted sock over your head.
What happened when the dog swallowed the watch?
Answer: He got a lot of ticks.
Did you hear the story about the germ?
Answer: Never mind. I don't want it spread all over.
What game do you play if you don't take care of your teeth?
Answer: Tooth (truth) or Consequences.
What do you get if you put your head in a washing machine?
Answer: Cleaner and brighter thoughts.
What happened when the horse swallowed a dollar bill?
Answer: He bucked.
How can you tell if a mummy has a cold?
Answer: He starts coffin.
What did the doctor find when he examined the X-ray of the dummy's head?
Answer: Nothing.
What happened when the icicle landed on the man's head?
Answer: It knocked him cold.
What do you get if you put your hand in a pot?
Answer: A potted palm.
Why can't a very thin person stand up straight?
Answer: Because their are lean.
What do you call a person who doesn't have all his fingers on one hand?
Answer: Normal. Fingers are supposed to be on two hands.
What do seven days of dieting do?
Answer: They make one weak (week).
What did the farmer use to cure his sick hog?
Answer: Oinkment (ointment).
How can you tell if a bucket is not well?
Answer: When it is a little pale (pail).
Why do your eyes look different when you come from an eye doctor?
Answer: Because they've been checked.
What do you get if an ax hits your head?
Answer: A splitting headache.
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
Answer: To get to the other slide (side).
Why did the timid soul tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Answer: He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.
How can you tell if you are cross-eyed?
Answer: When you see eye-to-eye with yourself.
Why did the man hit his hand with a hammer?
Answer: He wanted to see something swell.
Why did the kid put his hand in the fuse box when the weather got hot?
Answer: He heard that fuses blew.
What is the difference between a person asleep and a person awake?
Answer: With some people it's hard to tell the difference.
Why do you feel soft in the head when you wash your hair?
Answer: Because you get a soggy noodle.

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